“Sometimes the mind can be an overwhelming, intense and very challenging place. I hope this may help to give someone a little peace of mind.”

A YouTube video from Jonny Benjamin on Thoughts.

Jonny was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder in 2007, which is a combination of Schizophrenia and Depression. He made a remarkable recovery and tirelessly works to break the silence and stigma around the disorder and mental illness in general.

You can find him here: http://www.youtube.com/user/johnjusthuman/featured

and here: https://twitter.com/MrJonnyBenjamin

Follow

According to statistics, roughly a quarter of the population will experience some kind of mental health problem in any given year so chances are even if you don’t fall into that percentage yourself, someone you know will. Supporting yourself or an other through an experience like this can be overwhelming and often times people are given both conflicting and confusing information. It can be a lot to digest.

In her blog ‘Dealing with mental health problems’ Hazel Hill looks at some common causes of such health issues and also discusses some of the symptoms people can display as well as highlighting the important role psychotherapy and/or counselling can play in exploring what is going on for you. Hazel also looks at other things, such as diet and staying active, that can help to alleviate distress.

In addition to this most recent article you can find more blogs by Hazel on her website Counselling in your Community. Hazel is based in Sheffield.

If you are experiencing mental health difficulties and wish to speak in confidence with someone please contact me by email here – katycounsellingherts@outlook.com or by phone on 07950 345363. All enquiries are confidential and treated with integrity and respect.

Don’t suffer alone.

Follow

I wanted to share a concept from Transactional Analysis with you. One that I have found extremely helpful in certain circumstances or situations and a theory that can be really beneficial in aiding self awareness, a prime objective of any Psychotherapy or Counselling.

The OK Corral

The diagram above is The OK Corral and is used to establish an individual’s primary position in life as well as their position in certain circumstances, in certain groups, with certain other individuals and within organisations and society as a whole. This model was designed by Franklin Ernst and works along side the underpinning principal of Transactional Analysis that ‘Every one is born OK’ and that every one has a right to be in this world and to be accepted and has the capacity to change. The OK Corral looks at the ‘life position’ that we adopt, which informs how we view ourselves, others and the world.

What dictates our life position?

Everything that we experience after birth. This includes how our parents or primary care givers treated us and how we have been treated by others.

The four basic life positions are……

1. I’m OK with me

2. I’m not OK with me

3. You’re OK with me

4. You’re not OK with me.

The diagram above (Fig 3) shows how these positions are plotted. Resulting in four quadrants.

1. I’m OK, You’re OK

2. I’m OK, You’re Not OK

3. I’m Not OK, You’re OK

4. I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK

These quadrants determine how we function socially, within this framework. For example the ideal quadrant to be coming from is the top right one – I’m OK, You’re OK, as it implies a strong sense of self esteem and worth as well as a respect for the other and their individuality, generally resulting in good, open communication.

Are You OK?

Follow

We live in an age of infinite options and choice. There is normally always an alternative, or several. We live in a time of high demand and constant information being thrown our way. This can be overwhelming and confusing. When looking for a Therapist most people search on the internet, which is both a wonderful tool and also a minefield of possibilities.

So what do you look for? How do you decide?

I decided to make a video to speak about the kind of therapy that I offer and the type of therapist I am. You can find information about me on my about me page, listing my training and my qualifications as well as professional memberships and insurance. This is important information for you to have, to feel secure that I have sufficient experience and credentials to offer the service that I do. It is not the full picture however. You won’t be working with my qualifications, you will be working with me. Therapy is about a human connection. Two people in a room. Talking. Sharing. Creating. Exploring. Being.

I hope you find the information in the video useful and use it as a chance to get to know me a little before you pick up the phone or send an email.

07950 345363

katycounsellingherts@outlook.com

Follow

I wanted to share with you a great article on the idea of Shame, written, not by myself, but by my principle trainer, Bob Cooke. As Bob’s work has greatly informed my own it seems appropriate that I look to his writing to both aid my clinical work and also to inform clients of ‘what is going on’ for them.

I have chosen this particular article on Shame because, as Bob refers to it, it is largely ‘the forgotten emotion’ yet one that is so commonly experienced, it is hugely important that shame be addressed in the therapeutic setting. It is a natural response to wish to withdraw or hide away our feelings of shame and not bring them out into the open. Therapy is THE place to bring hidden aspects of ourselves, emotions, experiences, thoughts, out into the open so that we may be able to look at them, feel them and where possible, in some instances, rectify them. If we continue to hide our shame both in life and in therapy what chance do we stand of being whole?

I hope you enjoy reading Bob’s article. If you are interested in reading more from him, you can find it here.

Shame: The Forgotten Emotion by Bob Cooke

Shame, more than any other emotion, can be seen as the enemy within. It is for many the forgotten emotion. Indeed in research for this article, I was starkly reminded of the of the little that is written in the literature on the consequences of shame or even what shame is as an emotion. Freud, for example, concentrated on the subject of guilt rather than shame and from my own discipline it is only in recent times that Transactional Analysts have written on shame in any real depth. In some ways this is a strange phenomena, that so little has been written on the subject.

Perhaps though, the major reason for the ignoring of shame in this sense is that most often a person’s response to shame is to hide and withdraw, to retreat and remain isolated. The last thing a shamed person wants to do is to open up and be ‘seen’ by people.

“Shame is an internal, excruciating experience of unexpected exposure, it is a deep wound felt primarily from the inside, it divides us from ourselves and others” (Erskine 1993)

Or, in T.A. terms we can see shame as an: “internal expression of an interpsychic conflict between a reactive child ago state and an influencing parent ego state”. (Erskine 1993)

Shame is the consequence of a rupture in early relationships, it is one of the most painful of emotions and for most people who feel shame, they want so desperately to ‘not be seen’, to many it is the very focus of attention that is so crippling for them in their everyday lives. Indeed the moment attention is solely focused on them, they fight so desperately to withdraw and will do ‘anything’ to not feel the feelings that are around by ‘being seen’. The defences to the above may include freezing, trying to be perfect, intellectualising, smiling or creating another self to deal with the world.

The major script belief for dealing with shame is “something is wrong with me”. This decision that something is basically wrong with their very being was made by the person early in their life in response to being traumatized by the ‘other’ in the significant relationship. It is the internalisation of the ‘shamer’s’ message “something is wrong with you” which is changed significantly by the shamed person/child to “something is wrong with me”. This process usually begins early in childhood and it may take the shamed child numerous traumatic experiences before the “something is wrong with you” message becomes the “something is wrong with me” decision.

The parent in this process, by placing the total responsibility for the rupture of the relationship on the child, will by definition set up a process where the child will be faced with great internal/external pressure to decide that there is something wrong with them. The alternative to voice or even feel that it could be the parent that was wrong would be so overwhelming, especially as they were dependent on their early survival from the significant other.

This internal early belief system “something is wrong with me” then becomes the basis or core of the script system. It becomes the base from which the child then builds on in their development. It is based on the myth to which the shamed child has bought into and becomes pervasive throughout their life. Indeed the myth becomes, for the person, as powerful as any existential decisions about themselves. This is how they see and feel themselves to be, this is what they are and how they exist. They fundamentally believe that: “something is wrong with me”.

The question then, for any therapist/counsellor in dealing with a person who feels so shamed and so fundamentally believes the above, is how we facilitate the person to realise that something is right with them, not essentially wrong, and how we do this in a way that is not reinforcing the shame or replicating the early ruptured relationship?

The answer lies in the relationship between the therapist and the client, it is through this relationship that the person can tell their story. It is through the relationship with the therapist that the person can, maybe for the first time, feel that they are validated for being them – that they are normal and that there is not anything wrong with them and never has been. It means the therapist attuning with the client, validating even their smallest hurts and anxieties, it means for the therapist to somehow get themselves ‘into the skin of the client’. Most of all it means that the therapist stays alongside the clients in a respectful contact oriented manner.

It may also mean that the therapist actively takes the responsibility for any break in the therapeutic relationship. Most therapeutic breaks occur when the therapist fails to attune to the client’s affective or non-verbal communication. Thus it may be necessary for the therapist to take full responsibility for not understanding the client’s phenomenological experiences, for not validating or valuing the person in front of them.

The methodology then for therapy with a person who feels existentially and irrevocably shamed is through Contact, Inquiry, Attunement and Involvement, the four basic tenets of any relationship contact oriented therapy. It is through the above, with respectfulness, that the antidote to shame will be found.

Follow

Recently I was lucky enough to attend a training day run by PODS. PODS are an organisation, specialising in recovery from Dissociative Disorders who provide training, support and resources for both survivors, their supporters and professionals working with those who have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder).

It is thought that so much as 1.5% of the population may be affected by DID. This statistic means just under 1 million people in the UK alone. DID is only one form of dissociative disorder however. PODS have more information regarding statistics on their website if you would be interested in taking a more detailed look.

PODS is run by Rob, a qualified counsellor, and Carolyn Spring. Carolyn is a writer, speaker and trainer who has DID which resulted from organised abuse that she experienced. I was incredibly moved to hear her speak about her experience of DID both in terms of the impact it has had on her life and the ways in which she has found support, management and healing possible over the years.

What is DID?

First and foremost Dissociative Identity Disorder is a completely normal and healthy response to trauma. It is a primal reaction to allow the person to survive something that would otherwise be unbearable or overwhelming to the body and mind. If an experience/trauma were so great and unbearable it would threaten your existence you need some place to put that experience and the memories, thoughts and feelings associated with it in order that you continue to survive. Dissociation is a primitive function, accessible within us all, that acts as a way of shutting out unbearable thoughts and feelings or pain. Dissociation is often something we do to allow us to psychologically escape when we may be unable to physically escape. It can refer to both an experience, like ‘drifting off’ or ‘daydreaming’ and allowing us to switch to using another part of our personalities or equally the fundamental makeup of our mind. Dissociating from an experience of pain/abuse/trauma means that the experience becomes an isolated entity that is never integrated with the rest of our conscious selves, meaning it takes on a life of it’s own and we are often largely unable to process how this experience or trauma has impacted us and affected us day to day, or, even, how we feel about it at all.

DID is described as follows in the PODS Dissociation Resource Guide

‘It is a way of us surviving something that otherwise would be unbearably painful, by narrowing down our consciousness, and failing to join up the different strands of an experience, such as our actions, our memories, our feelings, our thoughts, our sensations and our perceptions. So we may have only an emotional memory (e.g. terror, disgust, shame) of what happened in a traumatic event, but no visual record (seeing it in our mind’s eye). Or we may have a vivid mental picture of what happened, but it is disconnected from our feelings, so it is as if it didn’t affect us: we feel numb or nothing. The traumatic experience is unintegrated and it takes on a life or identity of its own, separate from our main stream of consciousness. For the rest of our lives, we may have difficulty making a connection between what happened to us and how we felt about it at the time, or its impact on us in terms of how we feel or behave now. We may even struggle to connect with the fact that it happened to us at all.’

While Dissociation is a healthy and biological process, over time it can become problematic. Because we are distanced from the experience of the trauma and the thoughts and feelings that accompany it, we are unaware of the things in day to day life which may trigger a repressed memory around this trauma. Meaning we cannot guard against or keep ourselves safe from re-experiencing it. There will also be a part of us that is potentially always stuck in the trauma, as these parts of ourselves that contain the experience of it will keep their focus there, always alert for signs it could happen again so that they can guard against it. The same parts, that out of our awareness, flag up the triggers and respond to them, in an attempt to keep safe.

Carolyn describes her lived experience of DID as follows;

‘Sometimes I find myself somewhere and I don’t know how I got there or where I’ve been, don’t know how I am really, feel unreal, like in a dream. I feel like that now. I don’t know who I am that’s writing this. I’m not real, whoever I am. I feel like I’m ten different people squashed into one, all collapsed down like a concertina. I don’ know where I start and where I end. I don’t know where the inside of me is. I don’t know if I’ m really me or I just think I am. It’s the strangest feeling. How can I not know who I am?’

Carolyn Spring 2009

There is a list of signs and symptoms that those with DID may experience here – http://www.pods-online.org.uk/signsandsymptomsofdid.html

PODS Helpline – 0800 181 4420 (freephone)

If you or anyone you know has been diagnosed with DID or a dissociative disorder you will find a wealth of helpful and comforting information on PODS website. In addition PODS run a helpline on a Tuesday evening, between 6pm and 8pm. The helpline is for survivors, partners and anyone supporting someone with DID. It is not a crisis line such as The Samaritans so if you need immediate assistance/help please use the number below.

The Samaritans – 0845 7909 090

The resounding message from both Carolyn and Rob in the training they deliver is hope and that healing is possible. Therapy can play an important role in surviving DID and coming to terms with traumatic experiences. If you would like to talk with me about this I am happy to respond to any and all enquiries confidentially.

This post has been written using direct links to material on the PODS website with the permission of Rob Spring.

Follow